Instagram finally got me.

I can usually avoid the trap of negativity attached to many social media experiences, but when a local book festival posted that they had begun listing their featured children’s authors, I felt a surge of panic. How could they list their featured children’s authors when I had not yet received an email saying I was a featured children’s author? I immediately went to the website and began scrolling. My mind sounded something like this: Oh her again? Hmm. They got him? Good for them! Oh wow. Both of them are coming? That’s very cool. Don’t know her. Google, who’s that? They’ve already got a lot of Black women lined up. Hmph. Maybe they’ve met their quota. Doesn’t a YALSA Excellence in Nonfiction Award nomination mean ANYTHING around here?!

“Put a coat on, Honey,” said my inner Watcher, “The worldly winds are clearly blowing.”

The Watcher

The goal of meditation is not to “clear” the mind. That is impossible. After twenty years of practice, I finally understand what it means to cultivate an “awakened awareness” – an aspect of the mind I have lovingly named The Watcher. The Watcher is kind of a like a mental referee. They aren’t rooting for anything in particular, keep an eye on the entire field of play, and blow the whistle when someone (me) is about to start trippin’. Every writer needs a Watcher.

I have been promoting two published books for nearly a year, and I am still learning valuable lessons about what success means and how to best navigate the ups and downs of the literary world. Going into this experience I told myself the number one rule was gratitude because absolutely no one said I deserved this experience. It has been a joyful gift from the universe and an opportunity to cultivate a generous spirit. Writers can be an anxious, competitive bunch and protective of valuable information, contacts, and guidance. They can also bend over backwards to help a fellow creator. I have met plenty of both kinds and strive to be the latter. Still, despite every effort to think abundantly, there are only so many slots in a book festival program and this was an opportunity I wanted. In that moment, I could feel a dream slipping away and disappointment creeping into its place.

“The writing life is like THIS,” The Watcher reminds me.

The Eight Worldly Winds

The Buddhist body of teachings called the Dhamma talks of eight paired Worldly Winds: pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and disrepute. These winds whirl and swirl and, meanwhile, we cling to the positive notes of life and try to dodge the negative ones. The reality of suffering is that it comes from resisting the way the situation currently is and how it is bound to change. One day we are up. The next we are down. That we rise and fall is the only promise of this fragile human life, a life that is like THIS, whatever THIS feels like today.

I have learned in the last year that I am going to be gloriously disappointed by my hopes and expectations. Pitch a manuscript and someone says no. Schedule a reading and the room is empty. Reach out and receive no reply. Submit a poem and get rejected.

I will also be surprised beyond my dreams. A slim chance “yes”. A request to teach a workshop. An invitation from someone I admire. A line of teachers queued up at a conference to get their copy signed. My book on a shelf in a town I have never been to. A parent saying their child asks for my story over and over again.

Nurturing Equanimity

Equanimity or Upekkha, is one of the four heart practices known as the brahma-viharas. We train in meditation to grow our ability to stay calm and centered no matter which of the winds is blowing, neither rising with the highs nor falling with the lows. The Watcher helps me see when I am getting tangled up and on my way to misery. She helps me right the ship and sail forward into calmer waters.

Ultimately, equanimity helps me believe that what is meant for me will find me. In the meantime, I can choose to keep tasting the delicious icing that has been drizzled all over this cake instead of checking the floor for crumbs. So see you at the book festival. No matter what.

News and Reviews

I will have some events and readings coming up this spring. Stay tuned!

Thank you Cardboard Mom Blog for reviewing A-Train Allen during the Multicultural Children’s Book Day event. Read the review: “A-Train Allen” would be a wonderful addition to a classroom or home library. I’m sure children who live in cities could imagine themselves in Allen’s shoes and for children unfamiliar with big cities, this book is a fantastic reflection of the diversity and hustle and bustle of city life.”

After LibLearnX and the ALA Youth Media Awards I feel nothing but genuine mudita, or “altruistic joy” for Dashka Slater and my fellow YALSA Excellence in Nonfiction honorees. Hurray for all of us – the hero librarians think us worthy! Truly this award meant so much because ALA has always been Monica’s favorite conference of the year. The year of her stroke (and just before we sealed the deal with Lerner), it was in DC and we had dinner together. All the feels. We are in an incredible cohort of books, and I recommend you read all of them. We had a fabulous time chatting with School Library Journal. You can view the recording of our webcast and the ALA award presentation.